I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
