Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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