Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
