uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
we're so committed to being not committed
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
