I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
