just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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