If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
