This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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