he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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