You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
She said her name was "party"
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
