Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
