You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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