i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
