I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
