so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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