I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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