i love accidental penises.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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