thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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