I'm going to jail i love you
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
