I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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