Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
