As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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