If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
