My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
