OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
