her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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