We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
