dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
