and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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