your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
