Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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