My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
she told me i tasted like america
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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