You can't special order awesome
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
It's shark week go big or go home
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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