I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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