So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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