if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
