am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
