clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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