My Higher Power is John Stamos
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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