I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I want to be your penis for a week.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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