My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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