You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
