Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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