dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
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