I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
