I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
