I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
