I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
