There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
