i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
