Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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