Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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