Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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