They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
