Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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