Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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