Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
