She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
