I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
