I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
