I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
