You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize