Kiss
Puke
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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