This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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