I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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