yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
