I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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