I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
