for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
