you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
